Feeling indebted to others as a solo parent

It was never in my vocabulary to ask for help. For the most part, I fended for myself and coped with anything challenging on my own. So when I became a parent having to do it all on my own, I battled on alone. I didn't make a conscious decision to do this - it simply was the way forward. But, as time went on, I was crumbling, and when my gorgeous neighbours, whom I barely knew at the time, offered to babysit, I accepted their invitation. Their generosity, and not wanting anything in return, was a revelation to me; they simply wanted to support a fellow human in her time of need. Isn't that beautiful? And from that moment I made more of a conscious effort to ask for help when I needed it.

The kindness debts start adding up

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The thing is, as a solo parent, who has remained single, the need to ask others for help continues. And with this the kindness debts begin to build up. And I still struggle with the feeling that I owe others for all they have done for me. Because, much as I would love to, I cannot help others out very much, as I have limited time and energy myself to do so. I am still working on not burning myself out emotionally or physically.

Finally giving something back

So, when my friend, a solo parent with a toddler, mentioned she had been asked to go out to a concert with a friend, but that she didn't have childcare, I immediately offered to help out. Granted, we live very close, so geographically this was very easy for me. And I had the help of my munchkin, now a teenager and a natural with little ones. So it felt really easy for me to do. And it feels wonderful. I know what it is like to leave your little one for the first 3,4,5,10 times when you are the sole caregiver - there is guilt, relief, anxiety as well as the desire to go out and enjoy yourself as the adult that you are. I knew how important this evening out would be to my friend. And, apart from a few tears (the little one and the mama!), it was a lovely evening, and I got loads of cuddles with the little one. But most of all, I can finally pay forward the kindnesses and generosity that I have received, and that is the greatest gift of all.