What happens when you ignore your instincts?

I am a trusting person. Naive I would say. I am very straightforward - I hate lying and I expect others I interact with to be just as truthful and honest as I am. Sadly this is not the case, and I learned this the hard way recently when someone I had been supporting for months told many lies about me, leaving me feeling bruised and attacked. And the real kicker is that my instincts from the off told me to stay away. I ignored my own warnings as I wanted to be kind and to include and support this person, who appeared to me in a time of need.

Image by Giu Vicente

Learning not to internalise

Being on the receiving end of such an attack has knocked me for six. I thought I was in a great place in this group of people, and that I was liked and respected (this in itself was new to me, as I have generally believed others think I am ok, but don't especially 'like' me). So to hear that someone has slandered me and attempted to cast aspersions on my character felt like a personal attack. Having spoken to others and my therapist, it is clear that this wasn't about me - I was an easy scapegoat and this person's punchbag because they are so bitter and angry. Although rationally I understand this, it does no take away the emotions that I have, and the vulnerability that I now feel.

Hard life lessons

What is clear to me is that, unfortunately, there are people out there who do not operate with the same moral compass that I do. I would never spread lies about someone else and I struggle to comprehend how others can be so malicious - but there are people out there who are vindictive and intentional in their lies, for whatever reason that might be. This means that I need to approach the world with more caution, and others need to prove they are trustworthy before I open myself up to them. I wish it wasn't this way, and I understand this is an isolated incident for me, but hearing that friends have experienced similar confirms this is the right way forward.

My message to you, and to myself: be careful who you open up to, and listen to your instincts if they are telling you to step away.