Does the idea of 'strong, independent women' do more harm than good?

Everyone knows Beyoncé's hit 'Single Ladies' and she is an icon for strong, independent women. But are we taking the notion of doing it all on our own too far?

I am an ardent believer in equity for women; it blows my brain that any human would think women are lesser than. And I know that people describe me as a 'strong, independent woman'. I am not sure, however, how I feel about this idea that women can do it all on their own. I know that I cannot achieve it all on my own - this is not being defeatist, but realistic. And what comes with this knowing is the belief that I am therefore a failure.

Photo by Bas van den Eijkhof

Women are bossing it everywhere I look

Women everywhere are succeeding beyond success - they are entrepeneurs, business owners, amazing personal trainers, as well as mothers, and I cannot come close to their level of success. There is no way I can do what they do on my own; I don't have the energy or the mental capacity. If they are what we as women are aspiring to be, then I am an utter failure - not just as a human, but as a woman. By not having the strength and resilience to do what they do, I am letting down all women and all that we are striving for in terms of equity, respect and empowerment. Because if I can't match up, and be this incredible woman all on my own, then what is my worth?

Maybe we need to lose the idea of doing it all on our own

So maybe this idea that women need to buy their own cars, bling and houses on their own to be worthy of womanhood is a damaging concept - I have been around for nearly half a century and I haven't been able to do any of these things. Humans aren't meant to do it all alone - we are meant to live in communities and to build and strive together. This doesn't necessarily mean with a significant other (although having a partner has a huge impact on what is achievable); it can mean support from family, or surrounding yourself with people to help build your business or babysit while you do some work. Let's move away from the concept of not needing anybody; I am sure that if I asked any of these successful women how they did it, they would tell me of how they couldn't have done it without their support network. Yes, we are strong, independent women, but we also need human connection just like everybody else.

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